Reality. She’s a real know it all biatch don’t ya think?

Super mum pic

Today I am owning it.

So while I was tap tap tapping away, writing my Tuesday post about how I’m not a super single mum, good old Reality was gleefully rubbing her hands together in a Rumplestiltskinesque way and preparing me a nice warm dish of How do you like them apples baby?.

Yummmm.

Stewed” I said. “Nice and stewed”.

“My favourite”.

And she took me seriously.  Continue reading

Is single parenting really THAT different?

Mum quote

See how this says “mother”? It’s because it is the same for all mothers, single or otherwise

When I first started this blog, clearly, with a title like “mummyflyingsolo” I intended to write quite a bit about life as a single parent. I was pretty new to the team at that stage and figured I’d have plenty of fodder at the ready that could help other single parents too.

But here’s the thing. After doing this gig for about 2 years now I have learnt one thing and one thing only: parenting is parenting. It doesn’t matter who you do it with. It’s relentless and hard and you will have good days and bad. Just like all parents do.

I know parents in relationship that have a tougher time than I do.

I know other single parents that do it much tougher than me.

And we are all on the same journey: it’s called PARENTING.

That’s it. Continue reading

I don’t want to live a double life

Living the life I choose

Living the life I choose

A couple of months ago I was invited to a party. It was a local party. I was invited by a girl I’d met only twice to the birthday of a girl I’d met only once. Well, when I say girl I mean female. But girl will do.

It was Monkey’s night with his dad so I was pretty happy to just stay in to be honest. I get 24 hours off per week where the time is just mine and I’m a little bit greedy with it. What I love to do is cook something a little bit fiddly that would normally be too longwinded to make while parenting (ok so sometimes I just order in pizza), catch up on shows/blogs/emails, sleep in, walk along the beach to the coffee shop and generally just hang out on my own. For awhile there I was dating quite a bit so would do a bit of that too but really, I’m totally ok with just hanging out on my own and relaxing.

Anyway that night I was feeling kind of social and decided Continue reading

“Ah, I see now. Because you are a single mom all men are shit?”

stupid peopleI had this delightful little line thrown at me in an online conversation recently. The conversation was about abortion so if you can see how this comment is relevant then please, fill me in. It was over a month ago and I’m still trying to figure it out.

It all happened around that time of the filibuster in Texas. Remember that? People were getting their pro life/pro choice swords out and waving them about for all to see. Everyone had an opinion. Continue reading

My favourite fantasy

h-is-for-houseworkI have to say that, mostly, this solo parenting gig actually isn’t too bad. What? You’re surprised? Well it’s not. We have our little routine and the way we go about doing things; I don’t have to factor someone else’s decisions or preferences into choices I make at home; and if I don’t pick the toys up off the floor at the end of the day or we have toast for dinner then no one moans at me about it. Don’t get me wrong. Some days it is also really hard and I particularly notice this when I actually have someone around to help for a bit. It’s then that I have an aha moment and think “ooooohhhhh this is what it could be like with help. Wow!”. But for the most part we plod along ok. Sure I have my meltdowns but I don’t think they are exclusive to solo parenting. It’s more of a parenting in general thing.

Every now and then though when my house is trashed and I am doggone tired I plonk myself on the couch and allow myself to indulge in one of my favourite little fantasies: Continue reading

Mediation with the ex

mediation

Sleep completely evades me tonight. I have honestly never felt so awake in the middle of the night. So here I am blogging at stupid o’clock (3:30am in case you are wondering).

Well this is hardly a topic that warms the cockles of your heart, I know. It is an event that seems to make many people really nervous though so I wanted to give you a bit of a  run down on the off chance that someone out there is feeling nervous right now and needs it. Knowledge is power. Even though you can’t know the outcome of your mediation or what might be said on the day (unfortunately those pesky exes don’t run to script) you can at least have a pretty decent idea on the process and believe me, that alone is pretty powerful.

So I should mention first of all that my experience with mediation was in NSW, Australia so the process I describe here is specific to they way they do it. However, I have spoken to someone undergoing mediation in QLD and it sounds pretty similar. I think you will find that to be the case no matter where you go. After all, the intent is to achieve the same goal.

In some cases mediation will be court ordered but in our situation I elected to go. It makes no difference. Your process will be the same regardless.   Continue reading

Dating and the Single Parent

Oh. My. God. This topic is a doozy. And not for the reasons you might imagine. It’s not about how you might meet someone or how difficult it is to find the time to actually go on a date. Those things are tricky to negotiate, yes, but that’s not what has compelled me to write about this topic. The trickier thing, in my experience, is establishing with your ex when someone can be brought into your little one’s life.  For me it was a no brainer. You don’t introduce your child until you know it’s a thing. And when I say know, I mean know. None of this early oh how we adore each other stuff where you think you’ll be together forever but post honeymoon period phase really knowContinue reading

Single parenting and the modern woman

I have been pondering on this post for ages trying to figure how the hell to articulate my feelings appropriately. Then I decide to hell with appropriateness, how about I just say how I feel.

You see my problem is that I have felt a lot of shame about being a single parent. Dumb I know. What is even dumber is that I don’t judge anyone else if they are a single parent so why am I so harsh with myself?  I think it is because pregnancy is a time in your life where you start to review your values and figure exactly who you are and what sort of parent you will be. For me, it made me realise that I had held this little dream in my heart of one day meeting the man of my dreams and having a family with him. So when my time came to be at the growing a baby part and I didn’t have the dream family unit I kinda freaked out. I tried very hard to make my relationship with the baby daddy more than it was but it was a fabrication of epic proportions driven by my desire to not be outside the box on this one.  It was a hard sell too as pretty much everyone knew this guy was relatively new in my life.  One moment I am talking about blind dating and the next minute it’s all hey you know about me and Bob right, well we are having this baby. Happy days.  We are SO happy Yes it is just fabulous. Continue reading

Inspiration Strikes

Well I don’t know about you but I need to be pretty inspired to sit down and write something.  If life is just chugging along at an even pace without many highs or lows I find it hard to hook my brain onto something. I need DRAMA which doesn’t actually sound that healthy but anyway…  Every now and then though I get in the zone and I decide to have a crack at it. Today was clearly one of those days. I got SO serious I started this blog AND even registered my own domain name. I thought the $26 it cost me ($18 to register and another $8 to make it private in case anyone was wondering) might help me to commit to the cause. You see I’ve started blogs before and after a few posts it always peters off into absolutely nothing. Well it hardly peters off. It pretty much just stops. The thing that inspired me today was that I stumbled over some dude’s blog about his life and I kid you not it was BORING. He had no flair for writing AT ALL.  I guess his family and friends might be interested in the content to keep up with what is going on in his life but geez dude, I don’t know. That’s what facebook is for and then you don’t have to write much! He might even be interesting in one sentence and a few photos.
Continue reading