This week has been nothing short of batshit crazy. In preparation for a prenancy/baby/children’s expo next weekend I have been working overtime to get things done with the new business so that they are up to scratch and ready. I have easily worked a standard full time week and I’ve done it in between looking after a sick child at home for 2 days and the standard weekly crap in our always busy schedule.
Frankly, it has not been working for us.
This week the iPad has done my parenting for me. This week I almost left the house one day without feeding my child breakfast because my mind was so preoccupied. I’ve looked at the computer screen and my phone screen more than I’ve looked at my child. I’ve had him standing next to me trying desperately to draw my attention to something and I haven’t even really noticed…until he’s walked away. Then I notice because the noise has stopped. Then I’ve chased him and apologised and asked him to tell me his story but it’s really too late then, isn’t it. He has already been ignored. I’ve pretty much let him get away with blue murder as I feel like misbehaviour and trashing the joint is entirely reasonable because my attention has been focused on pretty much anything but him. If someone ignored me constantly I’d misbehave too. I have dished up tinned spaghetti and eggs for dinner one night and ordered in pizza on another.
Something is happening in my world, sure, but many things are suffering for it too. My parenting. My son. Our diets. My own well being.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a monster. We have done fun things too. We have been to Playgroup and Mother’s Group. We have played some games together and I’ve had him sleeping in my bed two of the four nights so far as I wanted to make sure he stayed warm when sick. He will also be in with me tonight (and you all know how I adore co-sleeping…). But still.
There. Is. No. Balance.
I feel like right now I am sacrificing developing my child’s potential in order to fulfill my own and it’s not a sacrifice I am willing to make on a continued basis.
Hats off to the mums out there who can do this. Who manage to have it all without too much negative impact to life (I say too much as everything has a degree of negative impact). This week I admire you. You give a new meaning to the term SUPER MUM. This shit is HARD.
Things will calm down here. The expo will pass and I’ll get to keep plodding along with starting this business at my own pace. But I am learning some valuable lessons this week. Like, fuck me but the iPad CAN babysit.
Props to Apple.