So if you’ve rocked up here thinking that “birth story” is probably a metaphor for something else (like this) then you will be sorely disappointed. Today I am actually going to be telling the story of how I tried to squeeze a little human out of my vajayjay. So if that’s all a bit gross sounding for you then hey, that’s totally cool. You can shuffle along and I won’t be offended and you won’t be grossed out so everyone wins. You can pop back next time when the topic is more intriguing for you and involves less talk about my vajayjay.
Good, glad we got that out of the way.
Now this birth was quite the saga (hence the fact that it’s in 3 parts) so I’m going to attempt (and I’m just saying attempt now peoples, there are no promises) to remain articulate and succinct and not go on tangents or mosey along totally unrelated paths. Kind of how I am now. So, let’s get this party started and get into it.
Wednesday, 30 August
6am ish: Oooooo is that pee still coming out when I think I’m done? Oh no no. It must be some waters. No gushing though, just waters. Not very movie like at all. I lost some of my mucus plug a couple of days ago so I guess this is the next step in the process. I call the hospital and as there is no gushing they tell me to whack a pad in and just keep my lunchtime appointment with the OB in outpatients today. I’m only to call back or come in if there is gushing or bad colours. There’s no gushing.
Lunchtime appointment at hospital: the OB whisks me off for a little scan to see if there’s any indication that my waters have broken. It looks like they have as I have very low water levels. I am promptly placed on the machine that monitors if baby is OK. He is. Then I’m sent off to the birthing suite where they book me in for an induction on Friday morning (48 hours from the waters breaking). They give me some leaflet that says just about every single person in the world will go into labour within 48 hours after their waters break so I go home convinced that’s going to happen to me too.
I start to research inductions and wonder if there’s any chance I can put mine off until Monday just in case I don’t go in time. I am certain I can make the baby come naturally if I’m just given enough time. A water leak must mean that he wants to be out right?!
Thursday, 1 September
I wake up and realise I’m still not in labour. Ho hum. There may have been some slight cramping the night before (or it could have been in my head) but any sign of that has now disappeared.
We have to go back to the hospital to have the baby monitored again. As the waters have broken they like to keep a close eye on it all and make sure it is all a-ok.
The baby is just fine – hooray! BUT another scan of the tum tum reveals that waters are so low now that they aren’t even able to calculate the exact amount. I quiz the chick (Dr? Can’t remember this time what she was) about waiting until Monday and she strenuously and emphatically advises me that is not cool. Low waters can be a sign of a deteriorating placenta which means increased risk for the number 1 human I’ve just gone and grown so with a heavy heart I agree to be induced the following day.
We get frantic with phonecalls and get me in for some last minute hard core acupuncture with a crazy but very efficient Chinese lady. She was wonderful and totally booked out so I’m still ever so grateful to her for squeezing me in. I do more walking and neck some more of those homeopathic pills. I get more cramping and I think ooooo maybe but no. It’s never more than that.
Friday, 2 September
We go to the hospital at 6am convinced that we will have a baby by the end of the day. Daddy-to-be (let’s just call him M for this story – Ex-Man seems distant for this moment that we shared) even plans a catch up with his bestie that evening to go out and wet the baby’s head. At about lunchtime we realise that isn’t the way the day is going to go. But I’m ahead of myself.
So despite getting to the hospital super early they aren’t ready for us. We don’t really get access to a room and get started until around 10ish. I am VERY excited believe it or not. Not even remotely phased by the fact that there will be pain.
The Dr on duty has just come back from working in the states for a gazillion years where they have some new fangled induction method. Instead of getting the evil IV stuff they get you to drink something instead. It is supposed to soften the cervix and get you dilating. Once you get to 3cm you are meant to then switch to the IV stuff. I’m all for it as I’ve heard the IV is nothing short of hideous so that’s what we do.
They tell me I need to have the drink every 3 hours until I get to 3cm and normally this takes people 2 drinks but it’s hard to say. It took me more than 2 drinks.
I mention my back injury to the Dr and that I have x-rays and he decides that it would be good for me to see the anaesthetist if he is free at some point just to have a little pre discussion in case I end up needing an epidural. He never turns up to do that prep convo which turns out to kinda suck.
At the time of check in I was apparently 1cm dilated. I had my first induction drink at 10am and I didn’t reach 3cm until almost midnight. Obviously I had an internal to find out each and every time where I was at…how else are you supposed to know? And this comes back to haunt me later on.
The speed at which everything doesn’t happen should have been an indication of what we were in for but no-one thought to mention that. Thankfully this drink part is a relatively painless process. After the first couple of drinks I started to get nauseous so they gave me meds for that. As the day wore on the cramping got worse but nothing out of this world. We mostly watched episodes of Breaking Bad.
Almost midnight: just as it’s ticking towards midnight the Dr comes in and says she is going to break my waters. I was pretty confused about all that as isn’t that why I was there? Turns out I had a hindwaters leak. Since then I’ve read that they can often replenish but given how low my waters were I’m not sure I would have made a different decision anyway. You just do the best you can do at the time I suppose.
So my waters a broken and that really gets the party started. I am about to enter the depths of hell and have what is probably up there as one of the crappest days of my life.