I love spring but for one teeny thing

This was me this morning!

This was me this morning!

In Australia, Spring is Magpie season. For those of you who don’t know what a magpie is, it is a bird. An evil, evil bird and in Spring I detest the little buggers (they actually aren’t so bad the rest of the year).  They nest in Spring time so they become very protective of their little area of the world at this time of year. It’s the daddy bird that gets all crazy. No one is to be stealing his babies.

Now I get that. I don’t want anyone stealing my babies either but I need to ask, when was the last time a human even stole a magpie baby????? Did we do it in caveman times and they have simply never forgiven us nor forgotten the experience? What is with that overly defensive approach they have going on?

So like I said, Spring = magpies. Spring in Australia starts officially on 1 September and in my experience I’ve found the maggies pretty right on with their scheduling. Except this year. This year the little fucks are out early. FUCKERS. Sorry for the swearing but argh.

Last night we stayed down at Xman’s so Monkey could have his little mid week daddy visit and I thought right, I’m going to take advantage of this and head out for a run this morning while I have a babysitter right there. Running first thing in the morning is THE BOMB but it is an opportunity I rarely get as a single mumma. Apparently I can’t leave my kid at home alone at not quite 2. Besides the fact that it is against the law and probably constitutes child abuse there is no way he would be having it anyway. And he can’t come with me as, well, he doesn’t like to always go exactly where I want to go. And the running, I’m afraid, really is about me.

Anyway, running. So I took off this morning at 7:20am. The air was fresh and I was surrounded by mountains. It was quite the awesome experience and very different to my usual run. Normally I am running on a flat concrete bike track catching glimpses of the ocean so the rural scenery made a nice change. Today there was only a path on some of my run so I had to run on the dirt and the road and even had to take some hills. I was feeling pretty hardcore. My pace wasn’t quite as fast because of the FULL cross country experience but I was doing ok.

I had almost made it to the end – I had one 3 minute run to go and then my 5 min cool down walk. There was a mother of a hill in the last stretch but I was ok with it. I was psyched and ready to go. The run so far had been good and I was feeling really motivated. My little app chirped “Start running now!” and I was off.  I rounded the corner into the estate and

SWOOP

The little fucker came down and swooped at my ponytail (mental note: tie hair in plait from now and and wear a hat on EVERY RUN FOR THE WHOLE OF SPRING).  Dammit.

Apparently I can put these on my hat to make the maggie think I am staring at it

Apparently I can put these on my hat to make the maggie think I am staring at it

I was committed though. I kept running but started to wave my hand, carrying my smart phone, up and down over my head to put off the swooping bird. It seemed to work. After getting round the corner a bit I decided I must be far enough away from the stupid nest and stopped waving.

SWOOP. Again.

Nope still too close.  I weaved to the other side of the road and started mumbling under my breath. Get away from me you little fucker. Stop it. Fuck. (I was on the verge of tears to be honest. These birds freak the living daylights out of me. Shhhh don’t tell anyone I’m such a wimp).

I hit the hill. The pace was getting hard with all the hand waving. How could I power my legs to RUN up a fucking hill when I was using all my energy waving my arms around like a crazy woman. Not only that but I was weaving back and forth across the road so I looked like a crazy woman with a death wish.

I turned around and saw the stupid bird sitting atop the sign where I’d left him. He must have been easily 50m down the road. Easily. I figured surely this would be far enough away. I stopped waving.

SWOOP.

Fucker. And I gave up right there. I got the arms just waving waving waving and walked (at a brisk pace mind you) up the rest of the hill. That stupid bird ruined my running stats. I was mad.

So that’s it. Welcome to Spring Australian’s. I hope it’s a delightful magpie season for you.

Hey I’ve been updating my Couch to 5k stats on a separate page that doesn’t publish a notification (just didn’t want to bore you all with the itty bitty details if that’s not your thing). Check them out if that sort of thing floats your boat. When you see today’s lousy stats then just remember it wasn’t me, it was the magpie + cross country terrain. The only thing missing was snow. Seriously.

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38 thoughts on “I love spring but for one teeny thing

  1. Ahhh…spring. Meanwhile, we are just diving head first into autumn 🙂 I was in OZ for the first day of winter one year…missed 3 weeks of my own summer…but it was well worth it…magpies and all.

    • Lol you know I deliberated over that for ages after writing the post. I tried to think of another word but everything else lacked the emphasis I needed. Some might say lazy writing but to them I say pffffft whatever.

  2. Spring time?? It’s going into the fall here. What’s wrong with you Australians?? Some birds are just ridiculous. I worked at a place that had a couple of swans and the swans would attack the trollies that went past their nests every single time. There were maybe 50 in a day at least and they ran 6 days a week. You’d think at some point they’d be used to the fact that the trollies mean their babies no harm, but I guess that’s what birdbrain is an insult. Lol.

  3. I laughed out loud. Damn birds. The ranchers here in the US shoot them on sight because they are such an awful nuisance. And no one likes them so they’re not protected at all—that I know of. Ha!
    I hate when nature fools with our running stats. Heading over to your Couch to 5k page to have a peek.

    • Sadly no one will be shooting them here. Damn birds are native to AUS so they are protected. They are apparently quite the nice songbird too when they aren’t busy attacking people. But still. Argh!

  4. Grrr I hate magpies. I stopped morning runs for exactly that reason (loved my couch to 5k app). I think it’s the whoosh sound of their wings that terrifies me most. That and the creepy way they watch you! The buds are opening early here in Melbourne so I guess the maggies will be out too. Thanks for the heads up.

    • No worries! I’m up visiting my dad in Hervey Bay this weekend, and am keen to go for a run but am all terrified of the new area and potential magpies lol I might be back in the gym before you know it. Such a bummer you had to stop your runs 😦

      • Well magpies were part of the problem, laziness the other! We have one enormous gum tree nearby that they sit in and can see for miles. I think they pick out a victim from their lofty perch and just wait…..!

  5. LOL – get a lightweight bicycle helmet and some long cable ties that you can loop so the pointy ends stick out of the top of the helmet. You’ll look like an echidna (spiny anteater) and magpies don’t seem to want to impale themselves. Maybe that is an evolutionary thing here? No one will judge you either… and it is a better fashion statement than the old ice-cream-container-with-eyes-drawn-on-it-in-black-marker-pen look that my neighbour on the southern outskirts of Sydney used to don when working in her backyard.

  6. Hahahahah. Fuckers indeed! Do you have that thing like in the UK where you have to army salute the magpie and say “hello mr.magpie, how are the wife n kids” when you see one? Perhaps you didn’t give mr. magpie the props he deserved, and he was utterly offended, try the salute next time…

  7. Ha ha! I’m sure it was not fun when it happened but when you recounted it like this, it did sound pretty funny. If it is any consolation, I got chased up a hill by a crazy dog..It just kept snapping and growling. Thankfully not rabid though and I’m afraid of dogs too..:( However my run stats were awesome. I ran like I had never run before, uphill at that too..:)

    Loved this. Following you now!

  8. Pingback: A bit of verbal diarrhea straight from the heart | mummy flying solo

  9. Pingback: Why Australia is The Hunger Games Arena of the World | Hugzilla

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