30 Day Meditation Challenge Update – Week 3 – The Week that Sucked

bad weekDamn this week sucked.

I don’t know what the hell was going on but almost as soon as I pushed publish on last week’s gushy post things seemed to come undone a little. All of a sudden I was finding it so. hard. to meditate each day. Like walking through waist high mud hard. At the risk of repeating myself, it really sucked. I lost my temper with Monkey one morning when he didn’t deserve it. It was awful. I felt so guilty. He didn’t really understand what was going on either. He was just looking at me all upset with a sad confused look on his face. I felt awful. It was the low point. 

I’m not really sure what happened but I seemed to be getting a bit of a funk back, that sort of depression type feeling. I haven’t had that for so long; since I started on the supplements from the Naturopath to be honest (I really have found them to be THAT successful). Trouble is I also find them to be THAT expensive so I had started trying to back off from them a bit. I cut one thing out entirely 2 or so weeks ago and hadn’t given it another thought but after losing it with Monkey I chatted to X-man about it and he suggested maybe that was it. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it myself.  So now I’ve reintroduced it but only a half dose and things seem to have improved already (placebo??).

The thing that concerns me about all this is that I seem quite dependent on the supplements and I feel like that isn’t helpful as it is only masking whatever else it is that is going on. I am also a little frustrated as I thought I was making more progress than that. Now I feel like maybe the meditation hasn’t been as effective as I thought it was. Actually, that’s not true. I’ve definitely been a calmer parent.

So almost all week I’ve only done the bare minimum of 10 mins meditation. Most days I tried to talk myself out of it and if I wasn’t doing this challenge I don’t know that I would have followed through and done it. I’ve felt resentful that I am even doing the challenge as I feel forced to meditate and that has really sucked. By Friday things had improved and I did manage to do a slightly longer session AND enjoy it so all was not lost. It has really given me pause to think about what I might do when the 30 days is up.

Will I continue?

Will I feel differently as there won’t be the pressure of the challenge?

Will I do another (different) challenge as I was considering?

I’m not sure. I’m going to wait and see what the week brings.

Oh and this post actually covers 9 days this time. As it is a 30 day challenge there was either going to have to be one week that was 9 days or an entry covering only 2 days so I did it this way.

On a brighter note, when I took Monkey to the park yesterday look what I found on the ground near the swings. Seeing it made my day.

such a cute find!

such a cute find!

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30 thoughts on “30 Day Meditation Challenge Update – Week 3 – The Week that Sucked

  1. Really feel for you – been there and felt like that too. The meditation stuff seems to simple on the surface and yet it’s so challenging. Try a little self-compassion – don’t let those negative voices in your head be too hard on you. Just do what you can do and give yourself a round of applause for even doing 3 minutes meditation a day. The hardest part is just sitting down to practice- Remember the courage and commitment to investing in yourself that you’re showing by just doing that.

    • Thank you so much for stopping by and for your great comment. You are right, a little self compassion probably wouldn’t go astray. We are our own worst critics aren’t we? Thanks again. 🙂

  2. At least, you’ve been trying to do the meditation having committed to the challenge. I never opted in.
    I stopped worrying about taking what was needed to keep the ‘funk’ at bay. The positive effects far outweighed the alternative. It was explained to me in such an understanding manner that I don’t think so much of whether it is masking or not. I think some of us just deplete more than others. There probably isn’t enough understanding on the subject.
    It’s a pity the supplement is so expensive. It sucks that being 100% should cost so much.
    Good luck with the remainder of the challenge. And with fighting the funk.x

    • “some of us just deplete more than others” Wow that’s a great way to look at it and most likely true. Thanks for sharing 🙂 And yeah the cost is frustrating. If I just took normal meds from the GP they’d probably be heavily subsidised as I’m a single parent but as I’m going the natural route I’m forking out the moula myself. I think I’m at the point of concluding that I’m just going to have to keep at it with my work that I do from home and make sure I’m earning enough to keep taking the supplements. I like feeling sane and balanced too much to give it up!

      • I wish I did understand more about it. But, the members of the medical profession I see can’t seem to give more accurate answers than ‘serotonin depletion’.
        Probably borne of stress, add in kids,add in work and keep on adding. The levels you start with in the morning are exhausted by 3 in the afternoon! I did take a natural supplement that was excellent although I can’t remember its name but it was very expensive.
        My doctor reassured me that the essential components were the same in prescription medication. Don’t know if he was kidding me. But I take them anyway.
        One thing I did note about the natural supplement was my libido was sky high.
        I might go google them .:)x

      • interesting. I’d be interested to know what you took. I take a combination of things which is why i was trying to remove some so I chose the one that I thought was having the least affect. Maybe I chose the wrong one! Or maybe I’m just in right zone with the combo. Thanks for sharing 🙂 This info has been great. x

      • All I can remember about the supplement is that the guy who sold it to me said it was from a plant grown in the Steppes of Russia and was much more efficacious than St. John’s Wort. He advised taking it with a multi nutrient tablet. Whether the combined effect of the two or one on its own was the answer I don’t know.
        I also remember him asking me about my menstrual cycle which was a bit off I felt but the reason he gave for asking was that this plant based supplement was also supposed to be very effective in modulating menses and controlling pain.
        Hope you maintain the zone. It’s so much better when there is the ability to cope and tackle everyday tasks without wondering if someone’s put the light out at the end of the tunnel. Hugs.x

      • Yeah St Johns Wart wasn’t really for me. I started on that but it made me feel numb, like some people feel when they take anti depressants I imagine. It was really interesting. I was calmer but a little bit tucked away. Funny you should say that about the cycle as I think what I’m taking is supposed to be assisted by that too. And it is. I am bang on a 28 day cycle now and never ever have been like that. Thanks so much for all your input. x

      • All I can remember about the supplement is that the guy who sold it to me said it was from a plant grown in the Steppes of Russia and was much more efficacious than St. John’s Wort. He advised taking it with a multi nutrient tablet. Whether the combined effect of the two or one on its own was the answer I don’t know.
        I also remember him asking me about my menstrual cycle which was a bit off I felt but the reason he gave for asking was that this plant based supplement was also supposed to be very effective in modulating menses and controlling pain.
        Hope you maintain the zone. It’s so much better when there is the ability to cope and tackle everyday tasks without wondering if someone’s put the light out at the end of the tunnel. Hugs.x

  3. I agree with Scottishmomus! I agree that people deplete at different levels.. For me I have physical proof. I have Hashimoto’s Disease. And when I first developed it.. I was wiped just doing any physical activity that lasted more than a few minutes.. I was seriously done for the entire day.. It took a lot of communicating with my own body (and meds) to learn how to better read my body and respect when I need a break to recharge. I have no doubt that the emotional and spiritual aspects of ourselves need that same TLC. I think you’re doing great with this meditation challenge! It just sounds like you’ve hit plateau and just needed that time to remember why you took the challenge 😉

  4. I realized doing my relay biathlon this weekend that I’m an exercise meditator. I manage to clear my head to the point of telling myself that I can go do something crazy like run 5 miles.

    I must have missed the post about the supplements thought. I’m getting ready to start a new one today. I’m really nervous but it gets great reviews. I hate taking anything. I’m of the belief that all vitamins and nutrients should come from your diet and environment but that belief seems to be failing me since I still have deficiencies. 😦

    • Yeah the whole moving meditation thing is awesome and I think I probably do it at the gym sometimes too. It has to be something pretty active for me to succeed in spacing out though otherwise I just drift off with my thoughts.

      I’m so glad you pointed out about missing the supplement post as it actually wasn’t with my meditaiton posts but with my earlier post about anxiety so I’m going to throw a link in this so others can go there if need be. Thanks!Here it is if you are interested:
      http://mummyflyingsolo.com/2013/06/13/tips-for-dealing-with-anxiety/

      I too like to believe that your diet and exercise can give you everything you need but our environment is far from natural these days so it’s the tiniest things that can unsettle us. Plus don’t forget you have had twins not all that long ago. My naturopath says it takes two years for our body to recover from childbirth and if your twin pregnancy was less than 2 years after your first daughter then you would already be out of whack. Hope it all goes well with your new supplement!

  5. Running is one of the BEST forms of meditation. In my humble (runners) opinion. It doesn’t matter how rubbish you are at it, in fact, when you are rubbish at it you concentrate on one thing just to survive the run and hence you “meditate”
    and AS U RUN you get stronger and stronger
    Regarding the supplements they DO help but yep! tehy are expensive. i would say that exercise helps and the fitter you are the, better you tend to eat and you might find you are able to wean as you get stronger and fitter
    Maybe…not the case for everyone

    Re the Russian Steppes supplement – i know of it. My hubby was taking it. I forget the name of it but if you need to know it i can ask him. It is only found in Russia though

    • Yeah I’ve had great success with my mood when exercising regularly (at least 4 times per week is best) and eating healthily. I’m not really achieving that at the moment (although I’m trying) so maybe I should try to get back to that and then wean off the supplements. Good tip. This is the one time I actually miss having a husband around as there is no one home at nights to watch the kid while I pop out to the gym or go for a run. So I have to fit it into our days when I can access creche etc. It can be done though as I’ve done it before. It just needs to be a priority. Thanks for the tip. Very handy xxxx

      • yikes. that really sucks 😦 See when people say to me “isn’t it hard being a single mum” I always point out that there are plenty of mums out there with husbands that I forced to live the life of a single parent. They either work away or leave early and get home late. Single mums are certainly not the only mums doing it hard.

  6. Doesn’t it always seem to be the way that you have a bad week just when you think everything is going well?! So true for me. Well done on sticking with it through the challenge though – and it probably did benefit you, even if you didn’t really feel it. In the long run you’ve meditated your way through a milestone that you possibly would have stopped at before, so it’s deepening your skill. Getting the balance right in life is SO hard. It’s a learning process that I’m not sure ever really stops. X

    • OMG that is sooooo true and typical of me Rose. I remember last week when I was writing the update that I was thinking of how boring it seemed as everything was just going so smoothly. ha ha . Tempting fate? And you are right of course, I have achieved something as I kept going when I otherwise wouldn’t have which makes me think, even more, that these 30 day challenges have a real value.

  7. Seasoned meditators would probably say this is typical…surely it’s typical in any big change? And yes, the negative voices and ego- based resistance to change, even if its good for us….I’m sure most people can relate to that one.
    Btw what supplements are you taking? Sounds intriguing! I should probably take supple,emits but I don’t. Having been either pregnant or breast feeding for Iast 8 years, I’m probably depleted as hell!

    • Hmmm that’s a really good point. I should probably ask some seasoned meditators what they think! I take a combination of things:
      Proxan – to increase serotonin
      Neurocal – anti anxiety
      Calm X – Calming and acidity support for stress the bottle says lol
      They are all from the naturopath so are natural supplements (the names probably relate to the specific brand they are too which might be unhelpful). the bran is metagenics. The one I tried to remove was the Calm X as I thought it would be having the least impact but maybe not. *sigh*
      Yeah apparently pregnancy really stuff the system up and it takes us 2 years to fully recover. So if we are falling pregnant again in that 2 year period then we are putting an already out of whack system further out of whack.

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  9. Wow, thank you for sharing, and great job of expressing the tough stuff that can come with this mindfulness thing. It’s definitely not all sweetness and light, just like life I suppose, but just doing it anyway is pretty much the whole point! In some kinds of mindfulness they say “just notice the sensations and move on” regardless of what comes – not always satisfying, but turns out to be reasonable when you put it in to practice.
    The supplement thing is a whole other story – placebo or not, it’s great if it works (love that you spoke to an x-man about it, wish it was Wolverine!)
    Super well done for all your efforts!

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  11. Just a reminder to be easy and kind to yourself. Meditation, personal, whatever the challenge, we take something from doing what it takes to complete the challenge. As a result, we are stronger, wiser women for it! I am certain this week will be better and I absolutely love the heart you found! 🙂

  12. I’m sorry you had a bad week. I suppose it’s to be expected but it sucks when that happens just when you think you’re really getting the hang of something. Often times, even though its hard, those are the moments that you have a big breakthrough directly after…I’m hoping that for you. I admire your tenacity to overcome your anxiety and you’re inspiring me with your tips and ideas!

  13. Pingback: 30 Day Meditation Challenge Update – Week 4 + The Way Forward | mummy flying solo

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