Sorry but I just didn’t enjoy breastfeeding…

There. I said it. It’s out there. I didn’t enjoy breastfeeding.  You can all think I’m a big meany with a heart of stone now. I feel bad for being so ungrateful about it too as truth be told it came to me pretty easily. My milk was a bit slow coming in so there were a few days there where I was sitting in my pressure stockings and knickers with a double pump on (oh so glamorous) and that wasn’t much fun.  I’d do that for half the day, trying to tempt the milk to burst forth out of my rock hard boobies like it was supposed to and get about half a centimetre of milk dribble in the cup. That was a tad disheartening I will admit. I’d look at that cup and think how am I supposed to sustain a life on a dribble of milk? But we got there in the end. 

That was really the extent of our breastfeeding troubles. I didn’t even leak, much to the envy of my breastfeeding friends but that also meant I wasn’t able to spurt it across the room at a moments notice so I think I missed out on some laughs there. So yes,  it all went pretty smoothly for me and yet I still didn’t enjoy it. So many people speak of it as a bonding moment. Not for me! My son did not look at me, his dear mummy, once while he was feeding. It was all eyes closed suckling joy. I think for him this was a solo gig. He loved it, it was great, but it was truly a one man show. So for me breastfeeding was a means to an end. I wanted him to have the antibodies that my body could offer him so I was keen to stick at it for 6 months (at that point their own little systems take over that job).  I made it to 4 months exclusively breastfeeding and then we started comp feeding (in an effort to improve sleep – it didn’t work)…it started off one bottle a day but it’s a slippery slope after that. I’m here to tell you that some babies do self wean once the bottle is introduced. Mine was one of them. We made it though, to the 6 months, which I was pleased about. I hung on to the night feeds the longest (mainly because I didn’t want to be up preparing bottles in the middle of the night) and we dropped them completely at 7 months when he bit me. That was me done and dusted right there. I have no regrets (except perhaps that I didn’t invest in this pillow). I made the 6 month milestone so even if I didn’t enjoy it, I still reached my goal.

Fortunately breastfeeding isn’t this blah for everyone. This blog over at Love & Life by Audrey shows a completely different breastfeeding experience. It was so nice to read such a positive breastfeeding story. The mummy is so warm in her heart about it. It shines right through in her writing.

I’ll breastfeed again if I have another baby and despite not enjoying it in the past I will strive to do a full 12 months this time. The convenience of always having your child’s meal ready outweighs any inconvenience in my opinion (sterilising bottles is a pain in the rear too).  But like anything to do with parenting I will do what works best for me and my baby at the time. Oh until the gorgeous little cherub bites me. Then all bets are off!

What about you? Did you enjoy breastfeeding?

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15 thoughts on “Sorry but I just didn’t enjoy breastfeeding…

  1. Pingback: 10 Things I Wasn’t Prepared for as a Parent | mummy flying solo

  2. Hi I love this post!
    I am very passionate about the choice women should have about breast feeding or not. I think we are made to feel an outcast or failure if we ‘choose not to’! Bit of a regression for women in my opinion. Well done!

    • I hated breast feeding too… My first child was a few weeks premy and quite small…She didn’t latch on properly which would strip the skin from my nipples… Then when my milk came in i could almost have fed 3 children. I had so much milk that even expressing wasn’t good enough, that, along with my baby being so small and unable to latch on properly,after about 2 months I ended up with mastitis I persevered with the pain for quite some time but i was poisoned from the boobs..I could not move one side of my body and was violently ill..I had a poisoned vein going up my left breast that was red and angry and burning..(not easy to deal with as a young ‘single’ mum). I was advised to try and continue feeding my baby (on curdled milk) and it would get better.Neither of us were happy.Then it started in the other side…Which is when i went on antibiotics (which dries up your milk) and my girl had to go on the bottle.Meanwhile I had to spend many hours in agony at the hospital on an electric breast pump trying to siphon curdled milk from my torn aching breasts….

      Then along came the second baby and i was hell bent on him being breast fed just as i was with her as i believe it’s very important for them and the mother…alas he was only a few weeks old before it started again..I couldn’t understand… he was huge and always hungry..But i wasn’t going through it again, so I nipped it in the bud straight away, rather than keep trying that time
      Anyway both of them ended up on the bottle when they were quite small..I feel that the fact i wasn’t in excruciating pain made it WAAAY easier to bond…
      PS..I love your blog

  3. Pingback: Confessions of a new mother | mummy flying solo

  4. I can relate: breastfeeding was easy for me too, and actually I did not mind it with my first born. She was easy, 20min was a long feeding, and I thought, like you, that it was convenient to have the food with you at the right temperature without any preparations. We Also travelled a fair bit, so not carrying bottles with me came in handy. But I can’t say it was a great boding thing or exceptionally emotional for me. Just practical and easy, didn’t mind it too much, didn’t enjoy either. Breastfed her 6 months fully, and at 9 months we both just forgot about it on a trip. And then there he was, my son, who I decided to treat equally to give him the same benefits. Well. he was such a “sucker”, would have been hanging on to my boobs 24/7 if I would have allowed it. But I had a 1 yo big sis, so that was really not an option. At 10 weeks he was drinking 7 hours a day, always a minimum of 1hr in one go. Talk about boring! At 4months I wanted to quit, really, but he still wouldn’t eat anything else or take a bottle, and who has the nerves to take that screaming when the only reason for not breastfeeding is that you find it boring? (Don’t get me wrong, not everyone needs to breast feed but for me this reason not to was too poor) So I kept doing it until he at almost 9 months just didn’t ask for it for a day, and I took that as a sign for not needing my boobs anymore. I enjoy so much more talking, cuddling and playing with my kids though!

    • Totally! My little man was a long feeder too. I watched sooooo much tv breatfeeding!!!! I’ll do it again as you did as them benefits are worth it but whether or not I’ll love it is another thing altogether!!!

  5. I’m always sad when people choose formula over breastfeeding without giving it a go so I’m glad to hear that you stuck it out even though it wasn’t your thing. For me, breastfeeding was a huge challenge. My milk didn’t come in until day 4. Baby lost too much weight and would scream all night long. I had cracked bleeding nipples and would clench my teeth in pain every time I fed her. But all that passed and by six weeks we were happily and successfully breastfeeding. I loved that if I wanted to go out I didn’t have to fuss around with bottles, just grab a nappy and burp cloth and we were out the door. I fed her until 16 months at which point I was preggers again and my boobs had become too sensitive, otherwise we might still be going. I plan to breastfeed again this time around.

    • Wow good for you that you mafe it through with them cracked nipples as not many would. I think there is so much value in breast milk so I was determined to do it even though them demand feeding nearly killed me. And I’m not sure I’d ever make more than 12 months but am super impressed by anyone who does. You go mummy!!

  6. *Warning, man chiming in on a breastfeeding post!* lol…I remember my wife with the double pump thingy attached to her boobs all the time and the noise it made…wee wer wee wer…Our oldest, for whatever reason, couldn’t latch on properly and never really took to breast feeding, but my wife pumped and we had breast milk coming out of our wazoos! It worked out well because I got to feed the little one as well (or it didn’t work out as I had to feed the little one at 2am as well…) She would often find places to hide in order to pump like the back of our van or wherever. Luckily, the two boys that followed my oldest girl were able to latch and momma was a happy breast feeder with the two of them. Thankfully, she lost her shame and would just whip those puppies out when and wherever! Hey, when the baby wants to eat it wants to eat! We fed formula too, and that’s what my brothers and I were raised on and I think we turned out ok. Whenever I see a woman breast feeding in public, it makes me smile a little bit and not because the word boobies comes into my head either. Moms rock!

    • YOU rock Don! Any dude who has such awesome things to say on breastfeeding should be chiming in any time. And wow, I really admire your wife’s perseverance with number one. It’s not easy when something you need to do so often isn’t working for you the way you feel it should. High five to her!!

  7. So good to hear your thoughts on this. I only managed a week of breat feeding and felt like a total failure as a mother for moving so soon onto bottles. But my daughter is healthy and happy and that’s what matters 🙂

  8. Pingback: Breastfeeding, pumping and bottle feeding: I'm a combination feeding mama - You and Baby

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